Seapuppy
04-02-2005, 04:09 PM
Subject: Military Humor
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field
and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the
control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a
call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference .
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and
the little hand is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon
and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving
down a muddy back road encountered another jeep stuck
in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,
"Yours is."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel
was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.
Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the
phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes,
General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along
your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted
man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook
up your telephone."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now, let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in
the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their
shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on
their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife
will think I've been in a Whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on.
My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman,
"I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be
waiting for me to die so you can come and **** on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy,
I'm never going to stand in line again"
:argh arrrrrr
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field
and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the
control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a
call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference .
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and
the little hand is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon
and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving
down a muddy back road encountered another jeep stuck
in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,
"Yours is."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel
was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.
Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the
phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes,
General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along
your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted
man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook
up your telephone."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now, let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in
the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their
shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on
their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife
will think I've been in a Whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on.
My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman,
"I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be
waiting for me to die so you can come and **** on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy,
I'm never going to stand in line again"
:argh arrrrrr